lund, early morning skypes, and Jude.

Looking back on this weekend, I can't help but smile.

Friday...so I was at work the whole day, which was ok I guess, but at night I went to my youth group, and it was testimony night. I LOVE LOVE LOVE, testimony nights. Hearing how God is at work in other peoples lives. Gosh, I just came away with my heart full of joy after I'd heard everyone get up and share snippets of the faith. It's so encouraging.

Saturday...my phone goes off at 7am with a text. I kind of roll over in bed and ignore it. It goes off again a couple of minutes later. I grumble again, thinking 'it's like 7am..shhhh'. And it goes off one more time. I think, OK, lets take a look and see which crazy friend of mine is up at silly o'clock on a Saturday morning. Turns out my friends aren't up at 7am on a Saturday morning, but still up at like midnight Friday night...IN CANADA! So I jumped out of bed, made myself a cup of tea, and skyped them for 2 hours solid. Best spontaneous early morning skype ever.

The rest of my Saturday was kind of chilled. I went to a coffee morning and ate some cake and drank some tea. I came home a painted a little. And then in the evening I went to work.

Sunday...this week at chapel was our chapel anniversary, and our speaker, Ruth Dent, spoke on the book of Jude. And it was just so good. The theme was a call to persevere, such an appropriate topic for an anniversary service. I've never really read Jude before, I mean, it's tucked right at the back of the bible before revelation, and its only like 25 verses long...it's easy to miss right?! But there are some great verses in there. '

But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt; save others by snatching them from the fire; to others show mercy, mixed with fear – hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh. To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy – to the only God our Saviour be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and for evermore! (Jude 20-25)

All in all, it was a top weekend.

may I never loose the wonder

Recently a friend has asked me if I would like to paint her a piece of art for her room. Now, I used to LOVE art, I did it for GCSE and A Level, and they were always my favourite lessons. I found it so relaxing to just sit there with a ton of paints, and a blank sheet of paper or canvas, and just create something, and feel the sense of pride when your piece was finally finished.

I remember during my A Level course, I got to choose the topics for each of my projects. I ended up doing a number of different things, one project I focused on the theme or racism, one I think was a general landscape theme, another was on nature. But my favourite one I decided to focus on the cross, and I ended up creating possibly one of my favourite pieces which I get to see every Sunday as it hangs in my church. 

Anyways, so yeah a close friend of mine has asked if I'll paint her a little something for her to put up in her room after she has decorated it. She said she would quite like to be something based on one of her favourite hymns, The Wonder of the Cross. And I was like 'yeah, thats an awesome idea, it's such a great hymn!'. 

Its been in the back of my head for 2 or 3 weeks now. Every so often I have a little think about what I could paint, what kind of colours I could use, things like that. This afternoon I though to myself, right, lets get out my sketch book again, sharpen my pencils, and get sketching (...because I feel a little out of touch at drawing at the moment, its been a while!).  I put my worship music on my laptop, got all comfy on the sofa, and decided a good starting point would be to write down the lyrics for the hymn. I thought I kind of remembered it. Well, I knew I at least knew the chorus part... 'may I never loose the wonder, the wonder of the cross'. But as I googled the lyrics, and I was writing the down, I realised just how great this hymn is. I'd totally forgotten the rest of the song, and as I reminded myself of these amazing lyrics, I couldn't help but totally agree with them. 

I think we are totally prone, or at least I know that I am, to forget the amazingness of the cross. We downplay it. We are like "yeah, the cross is great, Jesus died for me and now He is alive". We know it, but do we sometimes get blasé about it? Do we sometimes forget to recognise the immensity of it? I know I do. 

As I was reading through these lyrics, God reminded me once more how much he has done for me through Jesus. How much he loves me. And how awesome what happened at the cross is. 

And as I was sat there comfy on my sofa, I though to myself 'gosh yeah, I hope I never do loose the wonder of the cross. I hope I remember every day. How different we would live our lives if we were constantly in awe of God and His work there at Calvary'. 

Oh, precious sight, my Savior standsDying for me with outstretched handsOh, precious sight, I love to gazeRemembering salvation's dayRemembering salvation's day
Though my eyes linger on this sceneMay passing time and years not stealThe power with which it impacts meThe freshness of it's mysteryThe freshness of it's mystery
May I never lose the wonderThe wonder of the crossMay I see it like the first timeStanding as a sinner lost
Undone by mercy and left speechlessWatching wide eyed at the costMay I never lose the wonderThe wonder of the cross
Behold the God man crucifiedThe perfect sinless sacrificeAs blood ran down those nails and woodHistory was split in twoYes, history was split in two
Behold the empty wooden treeHis body gone, alive and freeWe sing with everlasting joyFor sin and death have been destroyedYeah, sin and death have been destroyed
May I never lose the wonderThe wonder of the crossMay I see it like the first timeStanding as a sinner lost
Undone by mercy and left speechlessWatching wide eyed at the costMay I never lose the wonderThe wonder of the cross

-

"Jesus Christ is your true Prince, the one who gave His very life just to be with you, the one who can rescue you from the dungeon you are in, the one who can transform you into a radiant princess, the one who can carry you away to His beautiful land to cherish you forever. His is the only one who can meet your deepest longings; He is the only one worthy of your entire heart, life, soul, and body - all you are and all you have. Jesus Christ is the Prince you should passionately pursue with all your heart. 

"Many of us don't realize that Jesus Christ is not a flimsy flannel board figure from Sunday school lesson; that He is not a stern dictator looking down on us from heaven to make sure we obey His rules; that He is not a distant being who is too bust running the world to care about the details of our day to day lives; and that He is so much more than someone we say we believe in to keep ourselves out of hell when we die.

"He is the Lover of our soul. Our true Prince. The one we have been longing for, searching for, and dreaming of since childhood. The one who will love us the way no one else can love us; the one who will cherish us forever; the one who will transform us from a hopeless girl in rags to a beautiful, confident  radiant princess. He is the one who makes us ready for true, lasting, human love. And he is the one who meets our deepest needs when human love falls short."

- Leslie Ludy

Journals

Not sure if you keep a journal or not, but I do. Granted, sometimes I don't actually write in it as much as I'd like to, but I LOVE it.

OK, now when I say journal, I'm not talking about one of those 'dear diary' kind of things. I don't write in it all I've done for the day, or gush about boys or anything haha! I'm meaning a God journal. One where I can write down prayers and answered prayers, things that God is teaching me, things I'm struggling with, things I'm encouraged by, ways I can see God at work.

Last Sunday I led the prayer and share evening at my Church. I'd only been to it like 2 times before (it's only on once a month or something) and so when I got asked to lead it I wasn't entirely sure what to do for it. I didn't know what to share, and what to lead the group in prayer about. Anyways, the week before it was kind of in the back of my mind, and on my to do list of things that I needed to get done. But that's exactly where it stayed for the whole week...still written on that to do list, and still just at the back of my mind floating around amongst a ton of other things. And so Sunday rolls around, and I'm like 'crap, I'm leading prayer and share tonight, and I have zero planned. Oh heck'.

I sat down at my desk, completely inspiration-less, flicking through my bible looking for an encouraging verse or something. Then I thought 'hey, we could just pray for persecuted Christians around the world, they need prayer right?! I can take in a map, we can look at a few countries  pray for the missionaries there...'. I opened up my laptop and started having a browse through the open doors website and started having a quick read up on some of the countries where it's difficult to live out the Christian faith. Yet, as I was searing for a few facts and case studies on line, it just didn't feel right. I'm not meaning we shouldn't pray for these types of places and the people living there, because they totally need our prayer. But I just felt as though God was telling me I was taking the 'easy way out' in my prep for the prayer and share.

And so I closed my laptop, and was like 'right God, if this isn't the direction you want me to take with tonight, then what is, because I'm running out of time here'. So I sat there a little longer, thinking about all sorts really. I let my mind kind of wander after praying for some inspiration, and I started thinking over the past year. 2012 for me was kind of weird. It's not going down in my books as one of my most enjoyable years, it was pretty tough going. Summer wasn't all that great, autumn was hard, and the past few weeks I've been feeling pretty down and direction-less. Like I'm not really making any progress in life.

I got out some of my old journals that I'd kept that year, and also the one I kept during my time in Germany at bible school, and I started having a read. And I have to say, reading through all of my entries was so awesome. They made me smile so much. I flicked through page after page of things that had happened, things I'd prayed for, I remembered things that I'd learnt, and people that had encouraged me.

And after reading though most of the pages I'd kept, one thing was so evident....

God's faithfulness.

He is so flipping consistent, and so faithful its unreal. Every time that I'd wandered away from Him and His word, He was there waiting for me. Every time I prayed to Him that I'd get closer to him BOOM, he draws me close to him. I noticed that prayer after prayer was answered. I was reminded of things that I had been learning over the past 9 months, and it was just what I needed to be reminded of right then last Sunday afternoon. The verses I had written in my journals were just what I needed to read. Being reminded of this faithfulness was exactly what I needed after a few pretty hard going weeks. He is so awesome, every little detail in His huge plan works out perfectly.

I shared just this at prayer and share. And we discussed as a group the ways that we have seen God at work over the past year, the prayers that we have seen answered, the things that we have learnt or been encouraged by.

If you don't keep a journal, I'd seriously encourage you to. I mean, we're at the start of a new year (...well, we're like 15 days into it now, that's pretty much still the start right?!), its a perfect time to start I'd say. 

-

" In light of what Christ did for us at the cross, how can any sacrifice for Him be too extreme? "

- Lesley Ludy. 

not so white

OK, so agggges ago when I got home from Germany I remember writing here how I had literally nothing planned in front of me. My life was a blank page ahead of me...I had no clue what step to make in terms on my career, I had zero summer plans, I didn't know which church to go to... I had no clue which direction I was heading, or what was around the corner.

And now, almost a good 6 months later, I can say that my white sheet of paper isn't so plain anymore.

Thinking back over the last 5 months is kind of odd. At the time, I felt as though I was going nowhere and seeming to gain nothing. But now, when I look back, actually a ton of stuff happened...

- I slotted right back into my old waitressing job which I LOVE.
- I went to Ambleside with my girl friends, and while we were there got asked to be maid of honor for my best friend.
- I started going to the church in the village next to me.
- I played in the Sportsreach annual netball tournament, the first time I'd played in a year pretty much. I was a tad stiff the next day!
- I went to Keswick Christian Convention...such a great week.
- Myself and the other bridesmaids went on two, slightly jam packed, dress shopping days before finally deciding on the perfect bridesmaid dress. So flipping stoked to wear this dress, it's stunning.
- We surprised my best friend by taking her to Northern Ireland for 4 days... possibly the highlight of the summer for me so far.
- I applied for numerous nursing and non nursing jobs. After turning down a job I just didn't feel right, I then had as string of nursing interviews, all of which I got turned down by until after the final interview I had lined up offered me a job. And out of all of the interviews I had, that one one of the top ones I wanted.

When I look forwards and backwards in my life I can totally see God hand at work.

Looking back I can see how He has been faithful to me these past few months. Life post Bible school had at times been pretty tough going, and I have often had the 'post bible school blues'. Sometimes I felt as though I was doing nothing, going nowhere...but actually God had it all in hand. He provided me with a very flexible part time job which I love until He blessed me with this nursing job. He has provided me with awesome friends to support and love me, and to keep me company as I waited for God to tell me what to do next!!

And when I look forward I'm starting to get hints of the plans He has for me. OK, so most of them I still have zero clue about, but I know He will give me directions where to turn as and when I need them.

All in all, life is good. I'm totally papping myself about starting this new job next week, but I know He is with me, so I'll be fine...right!? Still pretty nervous though :/

Yes

"For you are my lamp, O Lord;

The Lord shall enlighten my darkness.

For by you I can run against a troop;

By my God I can leap over a wall.

As for God, His was is perfect;

The word of the Lord is proven;

He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

For who is God, except the Lord?

And who is a rock except our God?

God is my strength and power,

And he makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of the deer,

He sets my feet on high places"

- 2 Samuel 22: 29-34

Psalm 37:3-7

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires on your heart. 

Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this. 

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of you cause like the noonday sun. 

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. 

modesty

"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God"

- 1 Timothy 2:9

"She is clothed in strength and dignity"

- Proverbs 31:25

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

- Matthew 5:27-28

I feel like God has been putting the subject of modesty on my heart recently, and I want to share with you some reminders that he had given me over the past few months, and some things that he has taught me from scratch. 

We live in a world where modesty has kind of gone out of the window. I read an article written by this guy on the subject of modesty and he titled it "The death of Pretty". He defined pretty as projecting beauty in innocence and virtue. But no longer to girls want to be pretty; they want to be 'hot'. Now, hot projects somethings TOTALLY different. He writes,. 'pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend.  Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity.  Its value is temporary and must be used.  It is a consumable'. 

I also stumbled across another guys blog, who was just so honest in his writing about this. (I'll directly quote him a few times here, but I'd encourage you to read the whole thing. It's pretty eye opening. I'll put a link at the end of this post.)

"Many women dress appropriately, and to those I say bravo.  But at the risk of being overly negative, I want to address the problem of immodesty.  Unfortunately, many women today don't know what modesty is..." 

"Immodesty can be put in perspective when women understand the stronghold that lust and pornography have on men today.  The pornography industry in the United States rakes in 12 billion dollars a year.  Surveys taken by Promise Keepers, Focus on the Family, Insight for Living, and other reputable Christian organizations show about half of the male respondents indicated they've viewed porn within the past few months.  Did you get that?  If this statistic is correct, five of 10 men you see in church have looked at porn recently..."

"Men who want to stay pure are finding impurity pursuing them."

I honesty don't think us girls realize the value in dressing modest. Do we even know what modest is anymore? We are surrounded  by worldly fashions which aren't really the shining example of how to be modest woman. The world tells us "if you've got it, flaunt it". Fashion gives us short shorts, short skirts, cropped tops, low rise jeans...I feel like we are slowly forgetting to even check if what we are wearing is appropriate because we are so blinded with the world and following its trends.

And when it come to the reason for modesty, do we even know why as Christian girls we should be careful what we wear? Honestly, I don't think we do.

If I'm honest, I've only really learnt in the past 8-9 months. I remember getting my acceptance letter from Bible School, and a few weeks later I received another letter which told me of the schools 'code of conduct'. It told me what the school expects from me, and what its values are. Like how they ask us not to drink or smoke during our time there etc etc...and it had a separate section on a dress code. I was like, 'Pffft, a dress code?! Are you serious?! I'm not allowed to wear shorts or a skirt that are above the knee? I'm not allowed to wear a strappy top? What the heck, this is ridicules!'. Looking back now I feel so ignorant. I had no clue really why they asked this of us. I mean, I knew they wanted us to me modest, but I didn't really know WHY.

During my time there, living with great christian guys I started to learn why. I truly appreciated they brutal honesty when they talked to us about what it was like being a Christian guy; the temptations and struggles that they go through every day. The quotes above from that guys blog put it really well too. I don't think us ladies appreciate how hard it can be for guys.

We are told to love and encourage one another in the bible right? If we are wearing an outfit which could distract guys, how are we encouraging them in Christ? We're not. Are we not instead encouraging them and tempting them into worldly lusts and temptations? If we love them, we should help them in this area. Think twice as we are deciding on our outfit for the day.

Please don't think that I'm all set on this area; that I have dressing well down to a T, because I don't. Sometimes I'm just as bad as the next girl when it comes to my wardrobe choice, it's something I'm trying to work on. I don't know about you, but I would much rather be described as a pretty girl than a hot one.

Sorry this post has gotten so long.I guess I just want to encourage you girls reading this to please think about how you dress.I'll just finish with a quote by John MacArthur who sums up quite nicely, and much more concisely, what I've just said.

"How does a woman discern the sometimes fine line between proper dress and dressing to be the center of attention? The answer starts in the intent of the heart. A woman should examine her motives and goals for the way she dresses. Is her intent to show the grace and beauty of womanhood? Is it to reveal a humble heart devoted to worshipping God? Or is it to call attention to herself and flaunt her beauty? Or worse, to attempt to lure men sexually? A woman who focuses on worshipping God will consider carefully how she is dressed, because her heart will dictate her wardrobe and appearance"

Some good reads:

For the link to the guys blog I quoted a few times click HERE

This one is a girl's blog who has a few posts on 'the heart of modesty'. 

blessed

Don't focus too much on the blessings that you don't have or you'll miss all the blessings that you do. 

Don't be afraid to trust an unknown future with a known God.

With Him

You know those new years resolutions that you make that after 2-3 weeks have already gone down the drain?! Well for me, blogging was one of those. I told myself I would try to blog like 2 times a week this year....FAIL! Never mind.

The past 6 days I've been on outreach with my English Outreach team. We went to the same place as last time, with some of the same kids, but this time was so so much better in loads of ways.

The last time we went to this camp my attitude was all wrong. It was still early on in the school year, I had already spent a week away on another English Camp in Switzerland, and I just didn't want to go away again. I wanted to stay at school with my friend. And so during the camp, I was there in body, but not really there in spirit. I put little effort in, and therefore got little out of it.

This time I was excited to go. I was ready to get out there with my outreach team and tell these kids about Jesus. I was more organised, I was more ready, and I tried to be more available.

God used the 6 days to remind me that without Him we are nothing. Nothing that we do...the drama's we perform, the worship songs we play, the nights that we organise, the questions that we try to answer...none of them will ever be enough unless we have God in them too. We are useless without Him. We can organise nights to show children who Jesus is, and give devotionals explaining the gospel until the cows come home, but unless God is apart of our plans, and we are committing all we do into His hands we won't get very far.
We are so inadequate to do His work with out Him.

But when we realise this, and commit our plan to God, then we can see mighty things happen. We can see Him opening the eyes and hearts of children. We can see His Spirit move within a place. With Him we can do all things.

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in Him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing"

- John 15:5

Sometime

Sometime, when all life's lessons have been learned,
     And sun and stars forever more have set,
The things which our weak judgements have spurned,
     The things o'er which we grieved with lashes wet,
Will flash before us out of life's dark night,
    As stars shine most in deeper tints of blue;
And we shall see how all God's plans are right,
    And how what seemed reproof was love most true.
Then be content poor heart,
     God's plan, like lilies pure and white, unfold;
          We must not teat the close-shut leaves apart,
Time will reveal the chalices of gold.
    And if, through patient toil, we reach the land
Where tierd feet, with sandels loosened, may rest,
    When we shall clearly see and understand,
I think that we will say, "God knew the best".

- May Riley Smith

loved

You are loved. Not because of who you are, but in spite of who you are.
And not because of what you do, but because of who He is.

3:16

For God ... the greatest person

So loved ... the greatest motive

The world ... the greatest need

That he gave ... the greatest gift

His only Son ... the greatest sacrifice

That whoever ... the greatest opportunity

Believes ... the greatest decision

In him ... the greatest security

Shall no perish ... the greatest tragedy

But ... the greatest interruption

Have ... the greatest possession

Eternal life ... the greatest destiny

You are more

Can you believe its 2012! Christmas has been and gone for another year!

I'm so glad that I chose to come home for Christmas this year! Yeah, OK I was pretty jealous of people travelling around Europe for the 3 weeks we have off at first, and did kind of wish I was going to be going on adventures with them. And I have really missed people from the Bode. But now in hindsight, I'm very glad I opted for coming home, and for many reasons. It's been really refreshing to be home again; being with my family, seeing old friends, enjoying my home comforts. Also, I know I wouldn't have been able to afford to travel around, and it would have made this next term all the more stressful in terms of my finances. And its been nice to have been in one place over Christmas; in my own country, my own home, my own bed!!

And I'm getting very excited to go back to Germany again now! I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me. Not going to lie, knowing I only have 3 months of Bible School left does kind of scare me. I think now that we are actually in 2012, the year that we finish, it's hit home that I only have until March there. And then what?!

Part of me is terrified because I've not a clue what I'll do. Where I'll find a job. What that job will be. But a bigger part of me is confident that He has it all under control already, so I don't need to panic...though this can be easier said than done at times!

I got the new Hillsong CD off a friend for Christmas, and its honestly one of my fave prezzies this year. I LOVE IT. I've been listening to it in my car for every journey that I've had since I got it! There is one some which I love. Its called 'You Are More' ...

On the day I called
You answered me
And the hope in my soul increased
I lift my hands
And turn my eyes
To the God who heals my heart
And gives me peace

You are more than
My words could ever say
You are Lord over all
Over all my days
I will see this season through
I will fix my eyes on You
Only You
Only You

I worship You
And lift You high
God forever let Your name be glorified
I lift my voice
And sing Your name
For you gave Your life to cleanse my sin
And took away my shame

You are more than
My words could ever say
You are Lord over all
Over all my days
I will see this season through
I will fix my eyes on You
Only You
Only You

Hallelujah
The earth will sing
May Your name be glorified
Hallelujah
The earth will sing
May Your name be glorified

You are more than
My words could ever say
You are Lord over all
Over all my days
I will see this season through
I will fix my eyes on You
Only You
Only You

This year I'm going to try to fix my eyes on Him more, in every season of my life, and just keep trusting in Him. Because ONLY HE gives me peace, heals my heart, and is Lord over all my days.

boats

What kind of boat are you?! A bit of a weird question I know...let me explain...

So this week at Bode we have a couple speaking; Simon and Gill Brisco. Gill have been taking a few of our lectures giving us all some 'life lessons' as they have been called. She is such an inspiration; she's just an amazing woman of God.

Anyway, today we turned to Luke 5 where Jesus gets onto the boat with Simon Peter and tells him to cast his nets out on the other side of the boat, and so they end up catching loads of fish...I'm sure you all know the story well.

Gill explained how we are all like boats, and Jesus want to be on our boat. We are called to be 'fishers of men' and we should have Jesus as 'Lord of our ship'. Each of us has a different shore of people who we are to fish and share the gospel with; our friends, our families, our work colleagues. And through us and our boats Jesus want to reach these people.

And what is awesome is that our boats are all ready equipped with all that we need to reach these people, no matter what kind of boat you have. Some boats are big cargo ships, they can carry a lot of things, they can reach a lot of people with all the knowledge and supplies that they have. Some boats are more like submarines; they work for Jesus underwater, behind the scenes. Some are more those little pulling boats that guide the bigger ships out of, or back into, the docks. But regardless of our type of boat, God has supplied us with all the skills and talents we need to reach out to those people on our shore.

Gill challenged us to try to think of what type of boat we are, and what supplies and talents God has blessed us with in order that we may go and fish for him. She also and asked us to think about who and where our fish are. Are we fully utilising the supplies that God has given us to reach out to the people on our shores? Are we even making it to our shores, or are we just bobbing up and down in the same place in the waters?

So often I think it is easy to just stay out on that water. Or even to fish in the swimming pool of the church. We need to get out of the swimming pool and into deeper waters where there are people searching for something; searching for God. And we need to step onto that shore where our friends are, and tell them about who Jesus is.

beginning

Remember when I blogged a while ago saying my life was just busy. Well, that still remains the same. When I look at my time table of things that are coming up, I almost feel like I’m going to be sick! ...OK, so that’s a huge exaggeration, but no kidding it’s looking like it’s going to be an intense few weeks leading up to Christmas.

I feel a little bit all over the place at the moment. My life so far here has been a bit, erm, bitty! I arrived here back in September, was at school for three week, went away to Switzerland on outreach, came back to school for a week, went away again for a week on outreach, and now here I am, back at school for a mere 4 days before I go away again for a travel weekend. So yeah, it’s been bitty. I’m ready to just be here. In one place. For longer than 3 weeks at a time.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not settled here, because I am. I have become familiar with this place; I refer to it as home when I’m not here, and I’m getting more comfortable.

Being on outreach two times and being part of a smaller group made me realise that I haven’t yet got to the point here where I’m fully myself. When I was away, I got to know the people I was with so much better, and the ‘real Steph’ came out. I was stupid, I got really giddy at times, I said daft stuff. It’s not that I’m being fake while I’m at school or anything, but when you are around like 103 other people, it takes a while to get to know people enough to truly be yourself around them.

I appreciated the time away with a smaller group to just be me. And to get to know other people well too. We got into some great chat about general life at the Bode, and it was so great to be in an environment where I could just be open with them, and share things that I’m struggling with. And it was so encouraging to here that other people are struggling with the exact same things as me.

I almost feel as though my time here is just beginning now, 7 weeks in. I’m starting to appreciate things here more. I’m starting to be more diligent with my personal quiet times. I’m starting to get to know people a little bit more. I’m starting to be myself more.

More importantly though, I’m starting to fall in love with God again.

14 mins

OK, so the time here is 07:08.I got up early to finish my Old Testament paper before I leave again for English camp. I swear I'm not trying not leave these things until the last minute, I did actually have this paper finished on Thursday, but them realised that I'd missed out like half of the big things that I should have put in it.

Writing this paper to begin with was such a chore; I felt like I was getting nowhere with it. I didn’t know how to start, what to put in the middle, or what conclusion I should put! And every time I sat down to do it, something for more exciting was happening somewhere else. After being away the whole week before, I already felt like I'd missed out on a whole lot. Not necessarily certain things that happened, just more spending time with people. With it being still early on in school, friendships and stuff are still forming. And I honestly felt as though I was missing out on a key time of school. I felt lost for a long time when we came back, I was out of the school routine. And people seemed a lot closer than when I left. Add in a cold, tiredness, and a lot of work to catch up on, and the result was quite a hard first half of the week.

But after I got over my cold, slept up, and sat down with my paper, I suddenly noticed all this things I had missed. It was like a light bulb went off on top of my head. And I couldn’t stop writing. Everything made sense. Normally reading things in the Old Testament just confuses my brain a little bit. But when I got into this paper, I just got it. And I totally could see how it all points towards Jesus in the New Testament.

Anyway, so this week I’m off again to English Camp. Part of me is excited to be going but another part of me just wants to stay here because I still feel like I’ve just got back. But I’m sure it will be an awesome time. Anyway, its not 07:22 and I need to get ready for breakfast and finish packing ... OK, I need to start getting more organised. Last minute packing is never good.

Credo

Tiredness has set in at the Bode. Everyone is walking around looking like they just want to go and have a nap. I’m feeling that too. My eyes are heavy, my brain is tired, and I feel like a cold is setting in. Great.

As I come to write this post, I’m sat here wondering where to start. I feel as though I have so much I want to out on here, but when I think back everything about the last week is just one big blur; the days have all merged into one big one.

I spent the last week in Switzerland doing an English Camp with 20 kids (...well, I say kids. They were between like 13-17, so more teenagers than kids I guess) who wanted to improve their English. There were 6 of us from school went to help out. I loved the week, and there were so many highlights of my time there, but after a few days of being there, all of us missed the Bode. I valued my time in Switzerland, but couldn’t help feeling I was missing things back at school. I don’t think any of us expected to miss school as much as we did. The morning we set of home (yep, I have been referring to the school as home now) we were all so giddy at the thought of getting back into Germany.

...But what were the highlights Steph?! You said there were highlights before you started getting all soppy about missing school!?

OK, so just general camp life was fun. Yeah, it was exhausting, but we had so many laughs with the kids. And though the camp did feel quite long because it was a full week, it gave us more chance to get to know the kids there. We got pretty close to some of them, and it was to encouraging seeing them by the end of the week asking more questions about the bible talks, and praying for each other in small groups. And because it was a small camp, only a small group of us went to help out. Spending a whole week with just 5 other people from Bode was class; we all got to know each other so well. On the journey there none of us really knew each other. We were asking questions like ‘so, Natalie, do you have any brothers and sisters?!’. But on the way home, we were chatting away like friends do, laughing away, and generally being giddy.

What else happened?! ...A farmer near the place near where we were staying shot at us. Yep, you did read that right. Well, he maybe didn’t shoot directly at us, but he sure did shoot his gun with the intention to tell us to get of his land. Us guys from school had a free afternoon one day, we had a bit of cabin fever from being inside all day, it was raining, and so what else was there to do but put on bin bags, and slide down some hills. SO much fun. Got a few bruises and some very muddy clothes, but totally worth it.

We also went on a sweet hike up a mountain. And the view, not joke, was AMAZING. You could just see the Alps for miles and miles. We sat and had lunch at the top, and an eagle was flying around, soaring through the air. It was quite a sight; it was flying effortlessly though the sky. Watching it fly I couldn’t help but remember the passages in the bible where God says he will lift us up on wings like eagles. How he does not grow tired or weary. He is strong and powerful. Standing at the top of a mountain, looking out at the greatness of His creation just reminded and confirmed to me how amazing He is. He made the mountains just though speaking words. He spoke and they appeared. I mean, can you get more powerful than that?!

Honestly, I’m struggling to think of other things that we did. We played a lot of games, did general camp things. I had my first real smore at a campfire taught by North Americans and they were pretty darn good.

Anyway, I’m back at the Bode; for now anyway. Next week I’m off again with the whole of the English outreach team to lead a camp somewhere in Germany. So this week on my agenda is catching up from all the I missed from last week, doing this week’s work, writing the assignment that’s due while I’m away, and planning some English lessons for the camp. Busy?! Yes. But its all good.