beginning

Remember when I blogged a while ago saying my life was just busy. Well, that still remains the same. When I look at my time table of things that are coming up, I almost feel like I’m going to be sick! ...OK, so that’s a huge exaggeration, but no kidding it’s looking like it’s going to be an intense few weeks leading up to Christmas.

I feel a little bit all over the place at the moment. My life so far here has been a bit, erm, bitty! I arrived here back in September, was at school for three week, went away to Switzerland on outreach, came back to school for a week, went away again for a week on outreach, and now here I am, back at school for a mere 4 days before I go away again for a travel weekend. So yeah, it’s been bitty. I’m ready to just be here. In one place. For longer than 3 weeks at a time.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m not settled here, because I am. I have become familiar with this place; I refer to it as home when I’m not here, and I’m getting more comfortable.

Being on outreach two times and being part of a smaller group made me realise that I haven’t yet got to the point here where I’m fully myself. When I was away, I got to know the people I was with so much better, and the ‘real Steph’ came out. I was stupid, I got really giddy at times, I said daft stuff. It’s not that I’m being fake while I’m at school or anything, but when you are around like 103 other people, it takes a while to get to know people enough to truly be yourself around them.

I appreciated the time away with a smaller group to just be me. And to get to know other people well too. We got into some great chat about general life at the Bode, and it was so great to be in an environment where I could just be open with them, and share things that I’m struggling with. And it was so encouraging to here that other people are struggling with the exact same things as me.

I almost feel as though my time here is just beginning now, 7 weeks in. I’m starting to appreciate things here more. I’m starting to be more diligent with my personal quiet times. I’m starting to get to know people a little bit more. I’m starting to be myself more.

More importantly though, I’m starting to fall in love with God again.