I’ve realised that sometimes I’m quick to complain about things. And that sometimes I complain in a sneaky way, so it doesn’t sound like I’m complaining but still I’m letting those around me know that I’m tired, or that I’m too busy to do anything with my friends, or that I’m not on my summer holls yet because I only get 3 weeks off for summer not 3 months.
But I think the big one at the moment is money. Degrees really take a hit to your bank account, especially when in the last year you decide to go to Tanzania, Canada, and then after go to bible school in Germany!! So really my financial situation is down to my elaborate spending and travels, which I do believe to be totally worth it by the way!
I never really had to think about money when I was growing up. I think I’m very much like my dad when it comes to money; I’m a bit of a saver. I remember when I was little if I wanted something, I would work out how long it would take to save my weekly pocket money for that thing. Before I went to uni I worked the whole summer and earned a lot which kept my bank balance pretty healthy. But the second and third year my balance went downhill, yet I didn’t feel as though I was spending it all on useless things. Yeah I treated myself now and again, but the bulk of my loan and bursary went on paying my rent and bills.
Since Jan this year I’ve started to struggle to get a monthly statement that has ended on a positive figure. And this has often stressed me out. I worry that I’m not going to have enough money for things, that it will take me too long to get them positive numbers back again. I know that I will get out of my overdraft once I finish uni and bible school and get working again, but here have been times when I’ve just broken down in tears because I feel just stuck in debt and powerless to do anything about it.
Yet during all this I’ve been too quick to forget that I need not worry and let this get to me. I remember back in Feb time I prayed to God that he would just provide for me this year, both in terms of energy, time, and also financially. And the following week I get a letter in the post with an encouraging not from a friend and £50 going towards my trip to Tanzania. That then was a great reminder to me that God is totally in control and he has my back; he will provide for me.
The past few weeks have been pretty hectic for me. I’ve been working at placement full time then spending my evenings working trying to earn some extra money. I tended to complain a bit about my lack of free time to just spend chilling out. I was tired; I was stressed, and just ready for some time off.
One night I turned to the book of Ruth and read the first two chapters, and as I was reading I just knew this was the passage God wanted me to look at. Ruth followed Naomi back to her home land. She was a widow in a foreign land having to glean in the fields for food. She worked hard. She didn’t complain. She trusted God would provide. He did.
I’ve been worrying that I have no money. I’ve been complaining that I have no time. Yet when I read this I realised that actually God is totally providing for me. Yeah I have no time, but that’s because I’m out working to try to earn some more money. God has blessed me with a new job for the summer so that I can work hard and sort out my money situation. He is in control and he does provide. I’ve been reminded that we shouldn’t just sit back and wait for things that we pray for. We should still take the initiative, like Ruth, and go and glean those fields.
